Tiger Parenting: The Journey from Pressure to Success and its Effects on Mental Health
By Shreeya
Introduction: “Every child deserves a parent, but every parent does not deserve a child.” Parenting, in literal terms, refers to children rearing and supporting them in a myriad of aspects, including (but not confined to) physical, social, cognitive, emotional, and educational development from infancy till they are independent. Parenting styles differ from family to family and can depend on various factors such as social class, ethnicity, income, and culture. Although, it significantly boils down to the personal preference of the caregivers. Tiger parenting is one such type where strictness prevails and parents are highly motivated and invested in ensuring their children’s success. They expect their children to excel academically at all costs or attain high proficiency in extracurricular activities like music or sports. This approach encompasses limiting the child’s recreational time, including socialising with friends, playing games, and watching movies. It also includes emotional manipulation and resorting to punishment if and when the child misbehaves. This conduct often leads to distrust, lack of independence, and privacy issues.
History: The concept and neologism of the term ‘tiger parenting’ originates from the teachings of the 5th-century philosopher Confucius. His ancient Chinese theory promoted attributes such as hierarchical family structures, filial piety, a strong work ethic, and a commitment to education, emphasizing academic brilliance. His teachings have played a pivotal role in generational attitudes towards academia and influenced the behavioural patterns of elders on adjacent topics in Asia. Many contemporary families strive to inculcate the significance of an education in their children very early on. Pursuing higher studies has become more of an obligation than a choice for students. Such families believe that respect, as well as economic, cultural, and social success, is proportional to the number of educational degrees one has obtained. According to them, education is not just meant for learning; it acts as a path to take advantage of the opportunities that their elders did not have. Subsequently, the expression ‘Tiger Parenting’ was popularised by the book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” written by Amy Chua, where she recollects growing up with strict parents and offers incidents about her parenting journey.
Attributes: Tiger parenting acts as an umbrella for a plethora of qualities some parents may enforce on their children. There is an equation of difference in power between the parent and child that leads to a lack of honest conversations. Undoubtedly, strict parenting is practiced here. Parents stress distinction in academics so that their children get admitted to the most elite universities. The most suitable careers (according to them) include being a doctor, engineer, or lawyer. Tiger parents also emphasise the importance of co-curricular activities, which further lead to assurance of attaining opportunities. They have sky-high expectations from their children and want them to put in their best efforts in everything they pursue. If their child fails to do so, they are reprimanded for bringing down the respect of their family. Such children, in the fear of letting their parents down, work extremely hard and dedicate all their time to activities that increase their chances of getting accepted to a prestigious university. They are so scared of their parents that they do not disagree or challenge the opinions of their elders. If they fail to behave well, children are often given corporal punishment or threatened emotionally. Their parents dictate each aspect of their life, which leads to no self-regulation, and they are not able to identify their interests, ideas, and dreams. They require more psychological and behavioural control over their children, often leading to the usage of violence. These practices are prevalent in many Asian countries, unlike in Western countries, where it is deemed to be child abuse. It is disheartening how children's success is defined by what they have achieved academically. Tiger parents are only concerned with IQ and not EQ, which entails the overall emotional well-being of their children.
Consequences: Children raised in tiger-parent households may experience deteriorated mental health due to the immense pressure laid on them since their childhood. Internalisation of issues like anxiety and depression is found to be quite common among such kids. They are more likely to be psychologically maladjusted and have a tough time letting people in their inner circle. They have an extremely high level of alienation and do not understand how to set limits for themselves, as discipline was never practiced enough. They have a fear of making mistakes and aim to be perfectionists, which leads to very low self-esteem when even a tiny error is made. Unfortunately, all of these factors combined may result in an increased risk of self-harm. Even if these psychiatric problems are detected early, they are often shunned by either calling them a ‘phase’ or assuming that the child is acting up to disobey his/her parents. In East Asia, tiger parenting is one of the main causes of increased suicide rates. This has led to a rise in children between the ages of five and twelve seeking professional psychiatric help.
Prevention: There is no fixed way of parenting. Parents make these decisions based on either what they went through as kids or seeking advice from close friends and family. It is a stressful job that needs a lot of consistent effort. Ultimately, the goal of each parent is to see their child happy, healthy, and successful. Tiger parenting to a certain extent can be implemented, as it teaches children the importance of attaining their goals and aiming for great heights. Motivating and encouraging one's children to dream big is advised, but tiring them (both mentally and physically) to achieve said goals is not recommended. Listening and communicating are essential pillars of good parenting. Parents must validate their emotions and not discipline them all the time. When a safe, trustworthy, and open environment is provided, children tend to be happier and go to their parents when in need. Spending as much time as possible with one’s child and giving them undivided attention is the greatest gift a parent can give. The simple act of showing up to events they are passionate about can make their day. Encouraging kids to explore their dreams and ideas makes them feel valued while also building their self-esteem. These acts empower them and help them understand that it is completely okay to have varying perspectives. All these factors contribute to increased emotional intelligence. Privacy is of utmost importance once the child reaches an age where they can make decisions on their own. Violation of their privacy can be damaging, which can lead to distrust and low self-worth. A child must feel comfortable enough in their home environment to speak about their ideas and emotions. When children make mistakes, it is best to offer support and provide them with feedback. Learning from one's mistakes is the greatest life lesson to be encouraged.
Conclusion: Tiger parenting is essentially micromanaging every tiny activity done by one’s child. A full stop is to be put on such behaviour to avoid any chance of self-devaluation among children. Freedom to try out different experiences is essential for the ideal growth of children. Parents are a guiding light for their kids, so they should do everything in their power to ensure their children have a healthy and safe upbringing. Success comes to those who are developed holistically and not only academically smart. Children should be encouraged to pursue their dreams, and even if they fail, their support system at home should always make them feel like they matter.
Works cited:
Pmp, K. C. M. B. (2023, May 26). Tiger Parenting—Impact on Children's Mental Health. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-tiger-parenting-5270867
Wikipedia contributors. (2024a, April 16). Tiger parenting. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_parenting
Wikipedia contributors. (2024b, August 11). Parenting. Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parenting
in:genius Student Care. (2024, February 28). The Pros and Cons of Tiger Parenting: Balancing High Expectations with Emotional Well-being. In:Genius Student Care. https://ingenius.nascans.com/the-pros-and-cons-of-tiger-parenting-balancing-high-expectations-with-emotional-well-being/
